For the longest time, I abdicated my safety to others, my parents, employers, husbands, family members, and even in a way, to my children. Being their mom gave me purpose and anchored me to the world. I needed this because my own childhood had given me a rocky start in life. My favorite memory of my father was the day he picked me up from school to walk me home. I was eight. I still remember how happy and safe I felt holding his hand walking down the Cleveland streets on that bright sunny day. Unfortunately, he left us shortly after that, and I only saw him sporadically until I was 24 years old.
His departure left me feeling abandoned, and I buried those feelings and how they made me feel for an awfully long time. If you carry any unhealed feelings due to trauma, abandonment, heartbreak, grief, or disappointment. It can be challenging to feel safe in the world. The incident or incidents you suffered might have cracked or completely crumbled your foundation. And left you feeling untethered and alone. Sometimes, you might get the feeling that you are just going to float away.
You might feel like I did for many years, that you have no real control over your life. If you think like this, victim thinking can creep into your mind and set up shop and become the lens by which you see the world. You may find comfort in living like a victim in the world. I know from personal experience that this is an unhealthy way to think and live. This type of thinking is not meant to empower you but to keep you stuck. It dramatically diminishes your ability to heal and make real changes in your life.
If you are tired of depending on the kindness of others if you want to feel safe in a world that is anything but safe most of the time, especially for women and people of color. You must put your healing first and begin the healing process. I want to share with you three ways to start and create your own safety bubble.
Three Ways to Create Safety
Ultimately our safety comes from within; regardless of what happened to us, we cannot look to others to make us feel whole and safe. It is not fair to them, and no matter how hard they try as a human they will fail us. Creating your own safety net requires that you deal once and for all with what ails you. Being open, honest, and compassionate with yourself and realizing that healing is an ongoing process that will probably take longer than you imagine, so be patient. Get some help, do not try to do this alone. A coach, a therapist, or a support group will be loving company on your healing journey.
Belief in Something Greater:
When my son wanted to make peace with his anger, he turned to Buddhism. As a Christian, when I feel so out of sorts and need a steady hand, I hold on to Jesus. Whoever your higher power is, take this time to become intimate partners during your healing process. “The mind is an incredibly powerful tool. It can be used for good but also go to waste when neglected or abused. In times of trouble, we tend to move away from positivity. We go from a state of abundance to a state of lack. But faith is the tool that helps replenish abundance in the heart and the spirit, not just in the mind.” There will be a time when your human strength and determination are not enough to keep you going, and this is where your higher power steps in and take up the slack.
Create Your Village
You will find that in most of my writings, I harp on this powerful yet underestimated tool. We are so hellbent on doing things on our own that we forget the power of being part of a tribe of like-minded individuals. “Our priorities become distorted and unclear as we attempt to meet so many conflicting needs at once.” So, if you cannot find a village, create one; if you need help, reach out to me, I am just an email away.
Your healing journey will be whatever you make it, it is not for the faint of heart, and there will be times when quitting seems like the best and easiest option. But, if you want to create a safe, beautiful, mindful life that you live with purpose, intention, and joy, it is worth every struggle you will encounter, and remember, you are not alone.
With Peace and Love,
Hi guys, my name is Renee. I am a Certified Coach, yoga teacher, host of the award-winning Welcome to Your Life! Podcast, and the founder of the Courageous Woman’s Book Club. Thank you so much for checking out today’s post.
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